How to be a thoughtful hospital visitor when a baby is born

As a newborn specialist, photographer, and former NICU nurse, it’s pretty evident that I  love  newborns. As soon as I see those squishy cheeks and tiny toes, I just want to wrap them up and hold them close. It’s almost impossible not to, but I refrain out of respect for the new mom and baby.

When a close friend or family member has a baby, it’s tempting to rush in out of happiness and excitement for the couple. There’s a reason they call them bundles of joy! That’s truly what newborns are. And while most visitors have the best of intentions, it’s important to keep a few things in mind. 

 


Here are a few tips on how to be an extra thoughtful visitor after the baby arrives:

Ask when they’re available.

Surprises can be fun! – but not right after birth. This is probably not the best time for an unexpected visit, no matter how close you are to the mother. Ask the mother when is the best time for a visit. 

Whether the mother is still in the hospital or back at home, the adjustment period varies for every mother and baby. Although the newborn stage is beautiful, it can also be a vulnerable and exhausting time. Mother and baby are trying to bond and figure each other out. Mom’s body is tired and healing. And if she’s breastfeeding, she may be trying to get that going as well. Plus, there’s nothing worse than hearing a knock on the door just as you get the baby to sleep and  finally  lay down to rest. 

Respect bonding time.  

Skin-to-skin contact between the parents and baby is vital for the baby’s health and the mother’s recovery. Skin-to-skin contact (aka “kangaroo care’) helps:

·      Baby adapt faster to life outside the womb

·      Temperature regulation for baby

·      Promote improved sleep, heart rate regulation, respiration, and brain development for baby

·      Promote smoother breastfeeding 

·      Promote healthy weight for baby

·      Support baby’s immune system

Source:  Parents

 For mom’s, skin-to-skin contact helps:

·      Increase milk supply

·      Promote natural bonding

·      Decrease postpartum anxiety

·      Relaxation before feedings

·      Release oxytocin that has a comforting, warming effect

·      Promote uterus contractions to reduce bleeding 

Source:  Stanford Children’s Health

To get all the bonding benefits, mother and baby must feel relaxed and comfortable. That may be hard for them to do with visitors in the room. Allow them extra space and time. If you do happen to be visiting when it’s time for a feed or the baby needs extra snuggles to calm down, ask the mother if she wants you to help with something else while they do their thing or if she’d rather schedule another visit later. The main thing is to help her feel comfortable and supported in putting her and the baby’s needs first (i.e., she doesn’t need to play hostess right now). 

Keep it short.

Unless the mom asks you to stay longer, plan on keeping your visit short and sweet. You will have time in the coming weeks for you to catch up and get in all the baby snuggles, but for some moms, holding a lengthy conversation is just too much during this time. If they’re taking visitors at the hospital, 15-30 minutes is about right. If they’re home, 30 minutes to an hour is probably good. Of course, they may ask you to stay longer, and that’s great, too! On the other hand, it may become obvious that now is just not a good time – respectfully take Mom’s cues.

Don’t expect to be entertained or fed.

It’s hard enough to keep a newborn happy and fed. If you’re a visitor, come with the intent to congratulate, encourage, and help. They may not offer water or a bite to eat, and that’s ok. This is the time to be a loving friend. On the same note, while we all love those sweet baby snuggles and fresh newborn scent, Mom may not be ready to let others hold the baby just yet. Don’t feel offended – this could be for any number of reasons:

·      She’s trying to protect Baby’s health and prevent illness

·      They’re still bonding right now

·      Baby is sleeping and needs to rest

And before you know it, I’m sure she’ll be begging you to give her arms a break in a few weeks.

Keep the conversation light.

Follow the parents’ lead here. Some moms like to discuss their birth stories and intimate details, but others prefer to keep it private. There could be some raw or painful parts there as well. Maybe the birth didn’t go as she had imagined. Or perhaps it was a bit traumatic and hard. You never know what’s going on, and Mom has a lot to process right now. Instead of asking “how it all happened” right off the bat, let the mother bring it up if she wants to. She may want to simply sit and listen to some funny stories or chat about what’s going on in  your life in order to regain a bit of normalcy during this time. 

Offer to pick something up or bring food on the way.

It’s hard – if not impossible – to get out of the house a few days after birth. Maybe you can make her day by offering to pick up her favorite drink, snack, or even a meal. (Sometimes, you just really crave a Sonic shake!) Or, maybe they’re out of a few necessities but can’t find time to get to the store. Ask if there’s anything the new parents need before you come.

Offer to help.

This isn’t a must – your company and thoughtful visit will be much appreciated! – but if you have the time, offer to help if you can. If they have other children, you could play a game with them for a bit. Or, you could wash the dishes, fold baby clothes, or take the trash out. A small gesture goes a very long way for tired new parents.